Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
