as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
