i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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