90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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