I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
