I hate your face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize