who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
