I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
