God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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