Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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(336): I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort. http://tfl.nu/myrl

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(716): View more from New York

since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?

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(716): since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night? http://tfl.nu/hysj

Replies (85) Good night (1924) Bad night (7121)
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(816): View more from Missouri

She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"

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(816): She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore" http://tfl.nu/r6vm

Replies (71) Good night (8543) Bad night (1132)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.

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(405): Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever. http://tfl.nu/hc2j

Replies (47) Good night (5233) Bad night (901)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.

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(405): i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me. http://tfl.nu/gnbi

Replies (55) Good night (6227) Bad night (795)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

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(203): What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face? http://tfl.nu/dot3

Replies (57) Good night (4233) Bad night (1796)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.

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(201): He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away. http://tfl.nu/tzcp

Replies (13) Good night (1013) Bad night (4607)
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(213): View more from California

there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.

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(213): there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/2p84

Replies (11) Good night (2766) Bad night (1090)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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(864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu

Replies (21) Good night (3965) Bad night (2055)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

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(403): All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/dlqr

Replies (22) Good night (3853) Bad night (728)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.

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(724): I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport. http://tfl.nu/pho6

Replies (12) Good night (946) Bad night (1657)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family

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(780): Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family http://tfl.nu/lw7x

Replies (1) Good night (1123) Bad night (390)
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(904): View more from Florida

Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.

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(904): Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place. http://tfl.nu/0o2l

Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (321)
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(734): View more from Michigan

my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day

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(734): my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day http://tfl.nu/yw74

Replies (0) Good night (769) Bad night (354)
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(770): View more from Georgia

so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me

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(770): so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me http://tfl.nu/3pww

Replies (3) Good night (1206) Bad night (373)

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