why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed