Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants