margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.