I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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