she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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