Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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