I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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