wakey wakey hands off snakey
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
