The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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