I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
