Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
