the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
