It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
