"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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