So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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