Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
