You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
