So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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