I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
