Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So much rum. So many feels.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
