the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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