Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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