nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
