def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
