Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
