So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Green mimosas i think yes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
