Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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