Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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