After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
