Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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