It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
