I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
