In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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