All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
