Did you just see the Batmobile???
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
