My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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