I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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