yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just had sex bonerless
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
