I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
