Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize