the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
