look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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