So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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