He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
