Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
