Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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