Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
