"it" just moved
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
