Your face is a jimmy john
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
