Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
