We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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