Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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