Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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