If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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