She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this will be a night to untag.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
