Me. At least after what I've been through.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
