After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
love makes seman taste better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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