I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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