Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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