Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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