Only a mothe r could love this liver
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you never un-have a 4some
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
