i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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