i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
