Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
