i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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