You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
