On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
