i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
