I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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