So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
