Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
