I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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