You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
