dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
