ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
