I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
