i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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