Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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