Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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