i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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