He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
